I'm twenty-seven and I still feel like a child. I hate myself for it because I don't think I should feel that way. Like I need to cry, or to be held, to be properly 'cheered up' by someone who smiles and hugs and plays and makes me feel special and safe. Who is going to really be there for me like that? Once you're grown up they stop caring about you, it seems. They're guarded, uncomfortable, ashamed of you. Or maybe they don't, but you still have to compete with all the cute and loveable little people who need help just as desperately as you. On top of that depression makes it so much easier to be unlikeable, putt-offish, a bore, frustrating. It's difficult to tell who is real and who is faking for attention or parasitism.
I think I understand one thing now, though. In this epidemic of depression and suicide I think the role of technology may be unstressed. It's definitely stressed, but perhaps not enough. I know in my case one of the worst things is constantly feel like I live in a small house on a tiny island floating in absolute empty space. I cling to my internet connection for dear life, and it IS a lifeline. When it or the power goes down I find myself utterly derailed. It's funny because even if I'd planned for or could do other things like chores or reading or going for a walk or a swim, etc, A lot of times what I do instead is I panic slightly and just pace there waiting for the connection to come back. Even if there's nothing I want to do online, I must have it back. Without it truly feels like an gigantic part of me has been cut off.